Rethinking it all

Trying to sleep
While my toddler is pounding away on my chest
While drinking his bottle
Doesn’t work

Trying to speak to my sister on the phone
While he’s trying to grab it
And dial another number
Is a failed conversation

Trying to clean the kitchen
While my son is emptying the container cabinet
And dragging the bathroom stool all the way over
Is a futile endeavor

So sometimes I need to stop
And think about the purpose of this all
That I am raising a human being
And that his perspective doesn’t always align with mine
His plan for the day is entirely different than mine
His goals unique to his personality and growth
And if I fight all that
I am fighting a fight that I will not win
So I need to accept
Understand
Sometimes find another time to chat
To sleep
To clean
Best time for that is when he’s snoring and looks so adorable
It makes me wonder if it’s the same child
Whose face was smeared with ice cream and chocolate yesterday
But today I take him outside when he puts his coat on and waits at the door for me
To leave the messy house and go outside
To jump with him on the trampoline
And giggle
Because that is what he needs to do at this time of his very young life
And what I need to do to bond with him
And become his mom
Over and over