We learned that
Yizkor candles aren’t lit during the Chag
so as not to mix
the happy and the sad,
the memory of a loved one
and what could have been
with the holiday celebration
and the creation of new memories
with family and friends.

Ten years ago
I learned of the separation between
the happy and the sad
when my mother died the night before
my sister’s planned engagement.
The flowers had to wait to be presented
until after the Shiva.
The party was the day after we got up
and put our torn clothes away.
After the party was over,
I came home and cried.

It’s hard to keep bouncing like a yo-yo
between the two extremes
of the happy and the sad.
They cannot ever be fused together.
They must forever remain divided,
making us constantly choose
in which mode we want or need to be.
Yes, sometimes we are forced to put on the face
to match the occasion.

Our sages say,
It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to the house where the party (is happening).